My Friend, the Gazebo

What would your response to a friend be if he walked up to you and said, "I am a gazebo"?

My reaction (having discovered that he really wants me to accept him as a gazebo and isn't just spouting song lyrics like my other friend, the Walrus) is pretty much to realize that my friend is delusional. After all, he's plainly NOT a gazebo, despite some sincere attempts at dressing himself up in lattice-work.

Nevertheless, I take a closer look, as one is inclined to do when faced with a deluded individual, and I note that he's still paying his bills and he's not a threat or danger to anyone. Though he occasionally offers to provide shade to those who don't want it, he accepts their refusal without fuss.

I may conclude that his delusion, though odd and clearly not grounded in reality, is harmless and it gives him some pleasure. So I tell him, "You go, my man! Be the best gazebo you can be!" and I pretty much don't think much about him.

This doesn't mean that I share his delusion in any way, nor that I should be obligated to. My friend's mind is a little off. I plainly see that, having noted himself that he's not really a gazebo, he's discarded the possibility that his brain is faulty, and has concluded that every cell of his body is somehow wrong instead. He is sure that instead of one part being broken, it's his entire existence.

Now, I can't fix his mind for him. For one thing, there's a whole passel of people who would make such a thing both inconvenient and impractical. They quite vocally advocate that a man can be a gazebo, or a hatrack, or a snail if he so chooses.

It is at this point that I realize that insanity can actually be taught.  This being the case, discretion must be exercised by those who would remain sane. So I smile and nod and introduce him as "my friend, the... uhm... gazebo."

It still doesn't make him a gazebo.

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Delusions come in all varieties. We all have a few. So if you personally think that it is I who am deluded, then it's no skin off my nose so long as you treat me with the same civility and tolerance with which I treat you, despite the fact that you can't regulate my thoughts. I'm perfectly content to be your eccentric friend.

I'm now closer to my death than my birth, so I've had a long time to form my convictions. It's unlikely I could be swayed from them by emotional outbursts. If you take offense at my thoughts, I'll merely respond with my own disappointment at your inability to tolerate so much as another person's right to their own beliefs. If it's that important to you to feel as though your delusion is shared by those around you, just pretend that I'm treating you with respect because I actually believe you're a gazebo.

My friend, the Walrus. Goo goo g'joob.

Vote for Donald!

In my last post I endorsed Bernie Sanders for the Democratic primary (although I'm not a Democrat). I figure I should endorse someone on the Republican side, if only out of a sense of fairness (although I'm not a Republican either).

So this time, after a careful examination of all of the candidates, I'm backing Donald Trump for the Republican primary. Why? For the same reasons I'm endorsing Bernie, of course! He's unelectable.

The Ric Flair of politics. WOOOO! WOOOO!

Yes, a bunch of folks are all excited about plain talk and in-your-face-attitude, but now happens to be the time of day when that stopped clock Lindsey Graham is right: Trump is a jackass. Even the people who like and support what he's saying know that he's a boorish, un-Presidential, un-statesmanlike jerk. That's why they like and support what he's saying... it needs to be said, unfiltered. But it's entertainment, not politics. That's why at the end of the day, over 60% of people responding to polls have indicated that they would not vote for Trump for President under any circumstances whatsoever.

The Democrats have no viable candidate. On the other hand, the Republicans have too many candidates; anyone reasonable will most likely be drowned out by the noise. Given that both parties are doing their damnedest to completely shred their chances at winning the presidency in 2016; and given that the American people may very well be offered a choice between the loud drunk guy at the bowling alley bar and the Second Coming of der Führer, enough may very well choose to quit the game altogether and vote for a sane choice.

In a year when any Democrat who wasn't a complete liar or idiot could ride Obama's coat-tails into the Oval Office -- and failing that, the Republicans could have walked into the White House virtually unopposed --who could have imagined that the best hope for a Libertarian president would be those same two parties?

Here's hoping they keep up the good work.

Vote for Bernie!

Kevin D. Williamson wrote a piece about Bernie Sanders for the National Review:

Bernie’s Strange Brew of 

Nationalism and Socialism

Apparently, Williamson doesn't like him much. If he had "checked his Intellectual Privilege" he might be more enamored with the fellow.

Me personally, I wouldn't complain if Bernie were to trounce everyone else in the Democratic party... at least all the folks they have running now. In fact, I fully endorse him as the Democratic candidate. And it's not because I checked my Intellectual Privilege either.

It's because he's unelectable. The nomination of Bernie Sanders would all but guarantee a Democratic loss. I don't much like anybody they're fielding, and Bernie stands a good chance of winning the battle and losing the war. The reason is that the last time we put "Nationalism" and "Socialism" together, we got this:

Sieg Heil!
(not the real Hitler: just an amazing facimile)

All he's missing is a red flag with a black-and-white hakenkreuz. Yes, I know of Bernie's background. Sonuvabitch should be ashamed of himself. Don't think so? Read the piece. Then go watch a speech or two of his and see for yourself. Make sure to bring your Intellectual Privilege; you'll find it handy.

UPDATE: Bernie's candidacy WOULD have guaranteed a Democratic loss were it not for something that happened just after I first posted this: Donald Trump formally announced his candidacy. Now we're back to two parties arguing over which toilet to put the country in.

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Picture from Zach Gibson/The New York Times, modified for (obvious) parody, criticism, and political commentary in accordance with 17 U.S.C. § 107. By the way, there is a boatload of pictures on the web depicting Sanders with his open right hand in the air. Are the photojournalists trying to show us something, or is this all just an amazing coincidence?